"Stut!"

Impatiently squirming to get out of her high chair, Juliet moans: "Stut!"

Reaching for the ground because she is finished swinging: "Stut!"

Unhappy about time-out in my lap after standing up on the couch: "Stut!"

My reply, "You're not stuck, baby."

Funny how perspective changes everything. 

As Juliet's vocabulary has grown, she has learned this word associated with limited movement in a place she does not want to be. We are still anxiously waiting for her little mouth to pronounce the "-ck" sound, but her version of this word is substituted multiple times a day.

It first struck a chord in me one day as she wiggled around in her high chair. I always try to explain to her what her reality truly is. "No, sweet girl, you're not stuck. You're in your chair where it's safe and you're able to eat. Katie will get you down."

Funny how these safe and perfectly positioned places seem to her to be nothing more than a frustrating trap in certain moments of strife. Though the high chair is the easiest, simplest place for her to eat, and though the swing is the safest, most fun carrier for such a playground activity, and though sitting still in my lap is the best thing for her character and personal development after a bout of rebellion, they are often to her an annoyance, a stressor, and a position to be fought and escaped from with every ounce of energy in her baby girl body.

I recently can relate to her.

Every part of me is fighting in some way against the position, the discipline and the goodness of the Lord in this season of life. I see parts of what He is doing, and I want Him to have His way, but my soul has been restless, squirmy and "stut" in a place I do not want to be.

Same as Juliet, I would love to wriggle loose and be on my own at times, or at least I think I do. But what I cannot see is His perspective on where He has positioned me. Uncomfortable as it may be, and although I would likely not choose it on my own, He has situated, elevated, constrained and prepared me for something much better than what I can see. And to fidget away from the strong arms of my Father would mean falling, regressing, missing out on all He has in store for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Maybe Juliet and I can learn this lesson together.

Week 52

Last Sunday I got to take down Week 52 from the kitchen countdown. The scripture written on it made for a time of prayer and reflection as I got ready to face another week.

Psalm 126:5-6 says:

"Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him."

Such a passage could not have possibly been more fitting for Sunday evening. Sundays are hard. Period.

Church without Stephen is hard.

Sabbath rest without Stephen is hard.

Staring down another week without Stephen is hard.

Crying in public is hard.

Sundays are just hard.

So when I read about tears and weeping I immediately connected. Ok, Lord. I've got the tears and weeping part down. No problem.

But I realized that the focus of these verses needed to be that the tears and weeping were not primary actions here. They are descriptors of the manner in which something else is done: sowing and bearing the seed.

What do You want me to sow? What seed have You given me to bear? What harvest are You plowing and sowing for?

Praying for direction, purpose and drive as I cry these tears for sowing over the next 51 weeks. Praying I go out intentionally. Praying the Lord brings a harvest of fruit one hundred fold of every tear I cry--that would be a truck load of fruit. And because I can imagine it, I know He will do even more.

in great company

The end of Week 52 is inching closer. I have decided to countdown from 52 to 1 so I'll always know how much time is left. Grateful it will get smaller and smaller as the weeks go on!

To celebrate the passing of the weeks and Lauren's official settledness into life at the condo, we had a girls' night on Monday night, complete with cookies, candy, crafts and chick flicks. A very big THANK YOU to Julie Koon, Emily Schultz, Kimberly Johnson, Rene Schultz and Maggie Younker for helping to make a countdown calendar for the dining room window. We spent several hours crafting little cards to display, one to be removed for each week that Stephen is gone. Each unique card has a scripture reference on it, and I look forward to how the Lord has provided Truth for each of the weeks to come. The evening was a huge success and one more evidence of the fact that I have been given the greatest friends in the world. Thank you all so much!

Yesterday Juliet and I scooted down to Smyrna for a play date with Connor (3) and Lucy (13 months). Their dad is also deployed and their mom, Amanda, has been an incredible encouragement to me over the two short months that I have known her. We had a blast playing with their toys, walking in their neighborhood, rolling down the couch cushions and playing piano! It is so neat to watch great parents love and instruct their children, and I certainly had a front-row seat yesterday. I look forward to loving on and learning from this precious family in the months ahead! Praising the Lord for godly community to live this stage of life with.

And today I am praising Him for another new friend. I met Cat, a German nanny in the area, at the park last week, and Juliet and her charge enjoyed swinging together again today. As we talked about one day wanting children of our own, I told her the itch is not quite full-grown in me because Stephen is gone. Of course she said, "Then we are in the same boat!" Her husband deployed in April and will be gone until April 2012. She is new to Atlanta and lives about ten minutes from us. Her husband came home on R&R in September for their big wedding, and her mom is still in town from Germany for that reason. However, she said now that the wedding planning is over and when her mom leaves, she is nervous that she will have nothing to do as she does not have any friends here. We exchanged numbers and plan to be in touch after her mom goes back to Germany next week. I am so excited to spend time with Cat and hopefully introduce her to some of my friends. Please pray with me that this will become a meaningful relationship and one the Lord uses to draw each of us to Himself!

And, for the first time, having an almost-German last name was another good conversation starter. Who knew that "kumpf" means "fight," as in Hitler's MEIN KAMPF? Fantastic! I have never been more glad that someone, somewhere along the way, dropped that "f"!

The Lord has given me so many opportunities to share this experience with people who love Him and love me, and I could not be more grateful for that. Thank you all for reading this far and for keeping up with me. Please know that I look forward to the Lord's glory and use of this deployment to strengthen my heart and those of the people around me. As such, I know there will be days when some of you will ask how Stephen or I am doing and I will burst into tears and drench you with honesty. I apologize in advance if that will make you uncomfortable, but please know I would prefer that to shallow conversation any day of the week. I think that will be more of a rare occurrence than the norm, but I would rather be real and let the real strength of Christ be displayed than pretend I am fine. So unless you would just rather avoid the small threat of water works, I welcome deep questions and meaningful conversation. Glory to God!

And oh yeah! Stephen is doing well! He and the guys are thoroughly enjoying the goodies his mom packed on Sunday. The only disappointing news is that he is sleeping in barracks with about 20 other guys. Fortunately he has ear plugs, but he says sleep would be impossible without them for the absurd volume created by almost two dozen men snoring in unison. Please continue to pray for his relationships and for the Lord's direction as he moves toward his mission. 

the big day

Today was the big day, and I feel there is at once so much to say and yet no words for all that I am thinking and feeling. The Lord blessed it on so many levels on the homefront, and I can only pray He does the same for Stephen as he is away. After the send-off ceremony and the departure of the buses, my family and Stephen's parents took me to brunch at the Cheesecake Factory where Marisa Acree and Katie Phillips joined by surprise. I had the privilege of spending the remainder of the day with them and Kimberly Johnson in a very successful attempt to postpone my own solo homecoming. 

Just a few of the random things going on in my mind:

Grateful that the day I have dreaded for nearly six months is over.

Grateful to start the countdown to next October.

Grateful for all your prayers and encouragement.

Praying for Stephen who has truly been led out into solitude with the Lord.

And while I wish I had more meaningful words or insights of my own, the Lord's grace overwhelms me at every turn. I had previously purposed to read through the "Streams in the Desert" devotional over the year that Stephen is away and was reminded of it by a conversation with our moms this morning. Unfortunately I cannot take any credit for the poem that accompanied today's short reading, but I'll be darned if God does not somehow bless these sorts of books so that October 2nd was exactly what I needed it to be. I think He must shuffle them around among the pages so that the right one pops up whenever I open it. So of course as I climbed into bed alone tonight, He met me here:

Come with me by yourselves and rest awhile,

I know you're weary of the stress and throng, 

Wipe from your brow the sweat and dust of toil,

And in My quiet strength again be strong.

Come now aside from all the world holds dear,

For fellowship the world has never known,

Alone with Me, and with My Father here,

With Me and with My Father, not alone. 

Come, tell Me all that you have said and done,

Your victories and failures, hopes and fears.

I know how hardened hearts are wooed and won; 

My choicest wreaths are always wet with tears.

Come now and rest; the journey is too great,

And you will faint beside the way and sink;

The bread of life is here for you to eat,

And here for you the wine of love to drink.

Then from fellowship with your Lord return,

And work till daylight softens into even:

Those brief hours are not lost in which you learn

More of your Master and His rest in Heaven.

Happy Half-iversary!

Today marks the halfway mark on our first year of marriage, and because I am looking for anything and everything to celebrate these days, I thought I'd post a few pictures for kicks and giggles. Many of you have been tracking with us for as long as these pictures have been around (some much longer), but in case you missed it, here we are:

Our first picture together, and possibly our longest conversations up to that point: Theta Xi Broomball, December  2005

One year later at AXO's Crush Party.

Our first kiss six months ago.

Our first Tech game as The Kumps this past Saturday.

Praising the Lord for 6 months of sweet time together and grace in the growing!

just the cover page

It started with a tree in a Garden

And the man you first made there to toil

Adam was his name

Procreation was his aim

As he broke and conquered all Your handmade soil

But Adam failed and ate the tree You said to not

He ate the lie and turned his back on Love

Sin broke the life and joy

Death's sneaky, wicked ploy

And Tree of Life no more could he lay hold of

So Your first plan was postponed indefinitely

As restitution was required to move forward

Necessary better Adam

Your Son would humbly come

The One all Heaven worshiped and adored

And where first Adam should have died on evil tree

For his choice to be the ruler of his life

Perfect Jesus now would die

Both in Adam's place and mine

As the cross became His tree of death and strife

Now because He rose again and rose to You

He will come one day to fulfill Your greater plan

Because a Garden was not all

You have a city strong and tall

Built 'round the Tree of Life where life began

Where first Adam chose death but did not die

Second Adam obeyed even to the cross

Though Adam's task met with defeat

Jesus' victory will complete

His blood the fire that purges all sin's dross

And it's not until we reach that final city

That all You have in store will be unveiled

This life is just the cover page

For greater glories come each new age

Sun not needed as Your beauty is detailed

The Martins: DIY Laundry Detergent

A few weeks ago I made my first ever batch of Do-It-Yourself Laundry Detergent. I have really enjoyed it and want to pass it along, but I took it from my friend Megan Martin's blog so you should check it out there. She did such a great job with taking pictures and figuring up the savings that I didn't feel the need to re-do all her great work. :)

The Martins: DIY Laundry Detergent: It's official.. I have finally jumped on the bandwagon for making my own laundry detergent. I was so skeptical at first, but after doing it...