Many people ask exactly what deployment means for life right now, and there are several facets to that answer.
Stephen was away at pre-deployment training for 10 days until last Monday. We have been referring to that week as a “trial run” for what deployment will be like for our marriage. We were able to talk most nights of the week, and I kept very busy with my brother’s 18th birthday, getting a new driver’s license, my dear friend Meredith’s wedding, and a girls’ trip to the beach for Meghan Lukken’s bachelorette.
Generally when people ask how I am doing my answer is “some days are better than others.” That proved true while we were apart as well. On the one hand, the Lord abundantly blessed the opportunities that “singleness” afforded me throughout the week. He opened up doors for some extremely meaningful conversations with dear friends on several occasions, conversations that I have prayed for consistently for some time now. It was quite clear that He is using our marriage to equip me for ministering in these situations. And so it was humbling, comforting and empowering to see His faithfulness in using our marriage so powerfully because we were not able to actually be together. He seems to consistently whisper His presence into the coming year, and my heart thrills in anticipation of the adventure He has in store for me at home while Stephen is away.
There were, however, difficult days. It will be an excruciatingly hard year. That is just the simple truth. Some sliver of my heart is terrified by how much I missed Stephen for just 10 days, and I dread to know the feeling of what months at a time will feel like. But honestly, there is so much freedom in embracing our journey as the trial that it is. I so appreciate the people God has sent to tell me that it will suck. They have greatly helped me in allowing myself to move past frustration over the struggle and toward allowing the Lord to minister to my heart.
My prayer right now is that the Lord would teach me how to grieve and embrace the hardship in a way that allows Him to mold my heart as He desires, while at the same time having my hope rest so heavily on eternity with Christ that I am filled with joy and peace. My mind reels wrestling with what this balance will or should look like, and I am tempted to go with either extreme. But when I simply absorb the sadness and wallow in separation, I am paralyzed by fear and expectations that cannot be met. Still I know that to dismiss it as no big matter in light of eternity, though my pride would love to appear so immovable and “strong,” would not afford God the opportunity to draw me more sweetly to Himself in honesty and comfort. I pray He uses every tear and every triumph throughout the coming year to His glory and my good, sanctification.
As we prepare our hearts in the meantime, the Lord has greatly blessed us with time, resources, and community in the journey. We are unbelievably grateful for the church family we have found at the Village Church in Vinings. The families we have come to know and love have welcomed us with open arms and homes and have sincerely sought to support us in any way possible both now and in the months to come.
Juliet’s family has been gracious, understanding and hospitable in taking care of me, and Stephen’s current employer is incredibly generous with their military employees. Our families are supportive and loving, and we are so grateful to have them nearby. And I expect that Lauren Jones will continue to be an instrument of grace to me throughout our future roommate days—what a gift she is!
So we look into the coming week to see Stephen on a business trip Tuesday through Thursday, which means lots of girl time for me! We will also get to celebrate two weddings next Saturday, and I intend to dance enough to make up for the weddings for which the Army has and will render me “single.” Mr. Kump had better bring his dancing shoes!
We would so appreciate your prayers that we would have time for rest, for quality time together, and for meaningful relationships in our last several weeks of summer. The time crunch makes it difficult to know how to prioritize our time and energy. Please pray for wisdom and rejuvenation.
Thank you for praying and loving us so well.
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