In the busyness of Friday's birthday celebration I found just enough time to glance at the prompt, but lacked enthusiasm or inspiration for writing it out. Today that changed, so here I am. Not sure I can do it justice in only 5 minutes, but here goes.
For whatever reason, several of my friends have recently experienced their first significant separation from their spouses. Ok, if I am going to write in brutal honesty, I'll call it "significant" separation. Because let's face it: a week just isn't a very long period of time.
But somehow or other these girlfriends end up telling me about it, sometimes dramatically, but never intentionally insensitive. Either way, some days I've just had it.
Want to know what I walk away thinking?
No, really. Are you sure you want to know?
Because your opinion of me may change in the next few lines.
But here it is.
"Shut the heck up. Why the h*** would you complain about that to me?? Did you miss the memo that I've seen my husband for a total of 10 days over the last 8 MONTHS??? Do you realize I don't even TALK to him every day?? There's no texting and no phone calls, let alone date nights or meals together. FOR A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR!!! So take a second to think about how much harder life could be for you than a week away from your husband before you have the nerve to complain about your situation to an Army wife!!!!!!!"
Yep. There it is. Told you. Pretty nasty. Shameful even. But that is where I've been.
So as I fumed my way across town this evening at the remembrance of these conversations, I asked Jesus why these people couldn't step outside of their circumstances and look at things from my perspective for just a minute. (Because clearly, my head is screwed on straight.)
But He stopped and asked me to do the same thing.
Kate, how often do you step outside yourself to do what you ask of others?
Mini eye roll. Not often enough probably...
Is it an easy exercise for you?
Well, it doesn't come naturally, if that's what you mean.
Then can you give a little grace to others the way I give to you?
Yes. Help me?
Because, you see, life could be so much harder for me. I would say I am on a peak in the mountain-valley terrain of this deployment lately. But even when it downright sucks, things could always be harder. And I'm sure some day they will be.
For starters, Stephen is deployed. He is not dead.
Our immediate families are in good health.
We have access to email daily and video chatting several times a week.
Our Father has been gracious to reveal parts of His work to us in this season.
We are both employed.
We have the best families, amazing friends, and a tremendous church family to support us.
The list goes on and on.
And really, I am sure that a week-long separation from Stephen will feel miserable at some point. We are all in different places, with different situations, and life is hard for everyone. I cannot think of anyone who has it made perfectly, whose story I would rather have. And I want to have grace for the people around me because only Jesus knows just how much grace has been lavished on me.
Who am I to withhold it from others?
And if you happen to read this and think I may be talking about you, please know all is right between us and the fault-bearing is all mine. I apologize for my lack of compassion and welcome your honesty about your life. I need to see the grit and grime of these dark places in my heart, let the Light shine in and clean them out. Thank you for bearing with me in this refinement process.
It is difficult at times, some more so than others. But I'm striving, asking, sinking deeper into the Gospel, I pray, to be a fountain of refreshing grace to the people around me.
Thank you, Father. Give me Your perspective minute by minute by year.
1 comment:
I agree, it's human not to look at things from another perspective unless we're explicitly reminded to do so.
In a way, the fact that they won't tiptoe around you on the subject can be seen as a compliment. It probably means they see you as a very strong, capable person.
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