I promise I'm grateful. Really, I am. In the same way that the Incarnation and the Atonement were gifts far above and beyond what I could ever deserve, we thrill to give gifts to others, my parents especially do. And I am grateful.
I am grateful. I have never experienced the lack that I have earned. I have never missed a meal because I could not find or afford food. I have never slept among the elements of cold or wind, rain or snow. I have never been ill and not received treatment. I am grateful to have been spared all these experiences.
But I have been blessed so abundantly beyond survival. I have always had several warm outfits to choose from. I have always had food in the fridge and the pantry, food I neither asked nor paid for. I have always had clean, running water at whatever temperature I desire. I have always had a car with air conditioning to take me to clean, productive schools. I have always had more than one copy of the Bible and access to answers for my spiritual questions. I have always known the love and support of two godly parents. I am grateful.
But today I cannot believe that gratitude is enough. When I really stop to think about the meaning of this day and the billions of other people on the planet, I cannot accept that a grateful heart is all God requires. Honestly, I cannot imagine that just a grateful heart is even honoring to Him at all.
I mean, really? Is He pleased to see me sitting in my house, enjoying extras, and simply offering thanks at meal time? I know He is the giver of all good things, but does He truly delight in my acceptance of another coat or new scarves? Does He smile down on the world on this day we proclaim is His celebration when He sees me, one He has blessed, content to receive more and more for my own enjoyment? I cannot believe this was His intent.
Not when so many are going without. I think of all the children who are sick, cold, exploited, hungry, unloved today. They have no idea that today should be celebrated. What reason do they have to celebrate? Many have never heard the wonderful news of the God of creation entering their world, becoming one of them make a way to have a relationship with them, that He is working through people to restore His image in Creation, that He is making all things new. And even if they heard, would they understand how life-changing His gift is? Would they believe God's story at all by watching my life?
"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit widows and orphans in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." James 1:27
He is stirring in my heart for something big, bigger than this, bigger than self-indulgent gratitude. His Story is too good. He is worth any cost. The children He loves are my responsibility and my joy. If I suffer from the cold in this life, I will rejoice all the more in His radiant light in the next. If I forfeit a day on the beaches of earth, I will splash with greater exultation in the River of Life. If my stomach rumbles for nourishment here, I will all the more savor the sweetness of the Tree of Life.
I just don't want to arrive clean, neat and comfortable. I want to be exhausted. I want to be spent. I want to be wounded. I want this body to be despicable and worn out and in need of a replacement.
Lord, do not let me be stirred but not changed. Refine me in waiting for as long as it takes, but lead me into service that will require all of me for all of my life. Not for my satisfaction. Not for my imaginings of spiritual greatness. But for Your glory. For Your Story. For the coming of Your Kingdom. For Your image perfected in me. Thank You for making that possible. Thank You for initiating in flesh in Bethlehem.
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