in jack bauer i trust

Last night I caught up on 24 for the week, and I always reflect on it the morning after. Not sure why. It just happens.

Today I realized how often I have the thought, "But it's Jack Bauer."

You know, like when you see that he's suspended from his wrists being electrocuted by the Russians. Humanly impossible situation.

"But it's Jack Bauer."

Or when he's up against 15 snipers in a narrow hallway. Humanly impossible situation.

"But it's Jack Bauer."

Or when he's knocking on death's door after becoming infected with a biological weapon. Humanly impossible situation.

"But it's Jack Bauer."

And then I realized what ridiculous faith I have in Jack Bauer. Granted, he's a character in a prime time television show whose fate is scripted by writers whose livelihoods depend on his harrowing escapes from humanly impossible situations. But anytime he gets in a bind or someone underestimates him, "But it's Jack Bauer" follows like second nature.

I pray I trust the Lord so confidently.

"But it's God Almighty."

He loved. He created. He loved. He revealed. He loved. He commanded. He loved. He delivered. He loved. He tabernacled. He loved. He incarnated. He loved. He died. He loved. He rose. He loved. He reigns. He loves. He will. He was. He is. He is to come. He glories.

More than Jack.

More dependable, trustworthy, true and faithful.

More constant, strong, powerful and just.

More loyal, passionate, determined and wild.

More intentional, gentle, sovereign and precious.

He is the Great I AM.

Oh to trust!

pain is love

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."

Hebrews 12:5-6

You learn a lot by spending 6 or more hours with preschoolers and toddlers every day. It is absolutely impossible to deny the reality of the sinful nature of humanity when you observe the tendencies of children. So many abilities must be learned at these early ages: walking, speaking, climbing, clapping, waving, blowing kisses, tying shoes, reading, writing and using good manners. I have countless precious opportunities to teach all my little boys how to perform these basics of life.

Do you know what they do well without instruction? Sin.

I did not teach them to throw their food off the table in impatient rage.

I did not teach them to hit.

I did not teach them to play with the water dispenser.

I did not teach them to yank on the plants.

I did not teach them to use unkind words.

I did not teach them to pout over wanting what others have.

Oh no, these lessons would have been much easier, but they were highly unnecessary.

Discipline is one of the themes of my life for this year, one of my goals. I even painted the word on my wall as a daily reminder of what I am living toward. Therefore, the Lord teaches me discipline in every avenue of learning I encounter. While my original intent was to focus on self-discipline/self-control, He has shown me my need for His discipline and the love at its core. Andy preached on Jonah's experience with the Lord's discipline in a series entitled "White Flag", the blogs I read have highlighted it, and I see it in my interactions with these boys almost daily.

Andy first got me thinking. He referred to the spankings he got from his dad during his series on Jonah, and he explained that the reasoning behind what is often a controversial tool is that children need to associate rebellion with pain. My parents spanked me and I am glad they did, but I had never heard such a practical, logical and concise explanation of the psychology behind the practice. It made sense, I could appreciate it, and the idea continued to simmer in the back of my mind.

Through observation and reflection I realized that rebellion that is not met with pain merely draws attention, and for so many children who hold attention as the end, misbehavior becomes the easiest means.

The next lesson came from a blog post entitled, "3 Reasons Why Discipline is Harder Than Punishment," by Michael K. The distinction he wants to make is that punishment is simply the consequence for a wrong choice or action, while discipline is the intentional instruction that shapes the heart of the child being disciplined. He says,

"Punishment is about behaving; disciplining is about becoming. When you choose the hard, long, thoughtful road of discipline, you are more concerned about the future – the long future. You are seeking not just to break bad habits, but to instill a need for the gospel now in your kids that will form not just their actions but their hearts in the years to come."

I pray that the Lord gives me words as I interact with Houston and Liam to show them how much I care about their hearts.

Each of these truths is reiterated by their reality that is on display in the lives of each of my little boys. When Liam wants to hold on to the wheel of his wagon as I pull him to the park, is it more loving for me to let him do so or to stop him before his fingers get scratched? When this happened yesterday I made a huge connection: Rebellion must be associated with pain because rebellion always leads to pain. No matter how slight the initial offense may seem, ultimately rebellion of any sort leads to eternal separation from God. Rebellion is part of our fallen world, and nothing good comes out of it.

Praise be to God who graciously redeems us from our rebellion and gives us every mercy and grace in relationship with Him! He takes our rebellion and uses it for His glory, even allowing rebellion for a time until He brings all people under His rule. But He simply could not be a loving God if He did not discipline us. If He, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, knew that greater pain, suffering and depravity awaited unchecked rebellion, did not discipline us or allow us to experience pain, He would not be good. He would not be loving. He would not be worthy of worship.

"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."

Proverbs 13:24

If God were more concerned with my happiness in the immediate than with my destruction in the future, He would be too human for holiness. He would not be other. He would be cruel. He would be heartless. He would be hateful and hated.

However, He disciplines those He loves. And we see through the Easter season that He did not hesitate to incur on Himself the pain and agony of His wrath in order to fulfill His eternal purposes for mankind. I pray He never withholds pain and discipline from me that would make me more like Jesus Christ, and I trust His Word that He will finish this work. At the core of God's discipline is His love and goodness. His goodness is His glory. That is what I want.

fatal attraction

20/20 may have aired one of the most outrageous reports I have ever heard tonight. Former actor, Steve Sipek, is well-known for two reasons: his portrayal of "Tarzan" in a Spanish-language film in the late 1960's and his Florida compound that has housed more than 100 exotic cats.

If you know me at all, you can only imagine how I rolled my eyes at the man's fascination and adoration for these overgrown felines. And please understand that I certainly appreciate their display of God's creativity. I can accept and admire them in their natural habitat and would never wish them harm for the recreation of humanity.

But I was quite disturbed to view this documentary of a man who has devoted his life to collecting and pampering large, dangerous cats. He sleeps with them. He plays with them. He swims with them. He lives for them.

His life revolves around these animals. He celebrates their birthdays. He recruits volunteers to help feed them and maintain their cages. He sleeps with them. He shares his home with them. He includes them as members of his family. Every part of his life is devoted to the welfare and protection of these cats.

At the surface of my disdain is my general dislike for cats and preference for people over any animal. These dispositions would make the story hardly palatable on their own. But then I heard the catch. Steve Sipek explained why he was devoting his life to these animals, and I suddenly realized the true foundation for why such devotion is so unsettling.

More than 40 years ago, Sipek was rescued from a burning building by a tiger. From that day on, he has devoted his life to the care and well-being of tigers, lions and their feline relatives.

When I heard his motive, his reasoning, I softened for a moment. Something immediately resonated with me. But when I realized what chord had been struck, my heart broke for the twisted reality the present world so readily adopts.

I believe we were created to respond to salvation the same way that Steve Sipek has. I believe his response, his feelings of joyful, willful indebtedness, are hardwired in us by our Creator. However, there is only one Savior who merits our total devotion, and when we miss who He is and what He has done, we devote ourselves to the wrong things.

Do Sipek's cats know why he loves them? Is he perpetuating life because of the time he invests in expressing gratitude to these animals? Unfortunately, the answer to both questions is "no." And I cannot imagine the heartache and the fury of Almighty God, who created both man and cat. He who did not merely risk His life, but who sacrificed His life, looks down on the earth and sees the ones He loves lauding false saviors.

Jesus Christ loves Steve Sipek. He gave up His life for Steve Sipek. He loves me. He gave up His life for me. He created us perfectly to respond to this fact, but if we cannot see Him, we attach ourselves to lesser lovers.

Relationships like Sipek's which involve humans' attraction to deadly animals is often termed "fatal attraction." Is it not the same when we truly see Jesus Christ? No matter how risky, no matter the cost, no matter the opinions of others, Steve Sipek is living for his cats. The sad reality is that his love may one day cost him his life.

The glorious reality of life with Christ is that it most definitely requires the death of self. If my life is to be devoted to God, set apart for His love and service, Katie dies daily. But the Lord, my Reward, is worth the certainty of self-death. In the light of true love, I am not concerned with the cost so long as gratitude is my motivation. When I see Jesus, I know His Life will cost me everything; I will lose it all. But in exchange I receive so much more than I ever could have relinquished.

I pray that I will someday shower my Lord with the affection Steve Sipek has for his cats. That my life will move ever closer to reckless abandon, reckless love, uncalculated response to the saving love of Jesus Christ.

More today than yesterday. More tomorrow than today.

death grip

Question of the day: Where have we come up with these words we throw around so often in the Christian language?

Phrases such as: "I surrender all..." or "I committed my life to Christ..."

Having been convicted of a lack of surrender today, I decided to see what the Word has to say about such. The context of each entry for "surrender", of which there were only nine, was one of war, of enemies and of captives.

"Well, we must have just adapted a similar word," I conjectured. I made my way to Thesaurus.com to examine the possibilities. Several of the choices seemed promising:

Submit. I knew that word was in the Bible. Back to BibleGateway.com: 13 entries. The contexts? The Law, righteousness, each other, wives. Not what I had in mind.

Commit. There we go: 150 entries. The context? Committing sins. Or committing substitutes for payment of sins. For a brief stint in the Psalms we see "commit your way to the Lord," but otherwise, these do not at all capture the needed state of my heart today.

And I am realizing that the word I need is "trust."

I need to just stop. I need to rest. I need to take my hands off of my life and relax in the goodness of my Heavenly Father.

These other words, surrender, submit, commit, each give me actions and responsibilities. These are things I can try to do, but my hands are still on. Each certainly implies the necessity of letting go. No matter my intent, my sense of "ought to" or my efforts, I cannot both surrender a piece of cake and put it in my mouth. Part of me will always try to rise up from under any submission I initially embrace. And when I commit to an endeavor, I am bringing something of value that I could potentially retract at any time. My fingers are still sticky with any of these words. They are too close, too exposed, too likely to brush up against the abandoned subject and knee-jerk with a death grip.

My hands cannot let go. They cling. Period.

They cling to the best option my finitely small mind can perceive.

Until.

Until I wrap my mind around Someone larger.

Until I dig my fingers into Someone sweeter.

Until my eyes are opened to the wonderless Wonder.

Until I know His Name.

Until I take up my cross.

Until I embrace my Life.

Until my reality is wrapped up in eternity.

And this is trust.

The trustworthy One created me to cling. I cannot stop clinging. I always have, I always will. But when I see who He is, when I look into Jesus' face, when I know by true and intimate experience that my God is good, my hands immediately drop the idols of control that were slipping away, and I hold on to dear Life, to the God who was and is and is to come.

And I rest.

When my hands are freed from wringing and clutching, my strivings cease. When my hand is intertwined with His, I realize He has been holding me securely all along. He replaces my efforts. Trusting Him even eliminates the need for intentionally letting go. I see Him. I respond. I know Him. I trust. And I realize just how foolish I was in ever hesitating.

Surrender is not what I need. My focus can no longer be on the parts of my life that I need to release.

My focus must forever be to grasp more and more of Christ, my Lord. All I need is to see Jesus in His irresistible goodness. Because when I do, I can do nothing else but take Him up wholeheartedly so as not to even perceive the loss of what I left behind. False control. Self-importance. Faulty wisdom. Garbage.

"For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him..." Philippians 3:8-9

"And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

When my strivings finally cease

At the glimpse of Savior's love

Bring my soul to helpless peace

Fix my gaze on Life above

Jesus sits enthroned on high

Worthy, resurrected Lamb

Hope of glory is alive

He holds existence in His hand

Now because His name I know

And mine is in His Book of Life

There is nothing I let go

Compared to all His glories rife

nearly two decades later

Last week I got tired of all the music on The Fish (or more accurately, I got tired of all their commercials), so I fished around in the random CD collection that usually rides dormant in my car. Before long I was rocking out to 4Him's 1996 release, "The Message", and reminiscing about all the dances and memories attached to every single word on the album that I still know by heart.

The style of the music certainly betrays the fact that it was written 1.5 decades ago, but I was struck by the truth that is still so true in the lyrics.

"To love God,

Love people,

That's the center of the mark"

"Love is free to grow where heaven's healing waters flow.

Though I may not understand

I'm livin' in the land of mercy."

"To live a love that never fails

Love my neighbor as myself

And to give 'til there is nothing left to give

To live a faith that never dies

To be crucified with Christ

Until all that lives through me

Is the Message."

I am so grateful to stand on Truth that never changes. But as I rejoiced in this fact, I realized just how influential these songs were as I learned them. I self-imposed a rule against secular music until high school, or maybe even college, but I never could have known exactly how that would shape who I am today.

Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, whoever else, never really held that much appeal to me. My best friend, Mary Grace, recorded some songs off the radio onto a cassette tape for my 12 1/2 birthday; I enjoyed the half-song versions she was able to capture of "Bye Bye Bye," "Life After Love," and "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You." But I always reverted back to 4Him, Point of Grace and Phillips, Craig and Dean for my mirror concerts and ballet choreography. I cannot explain it, but the Christian music was what I liked, what I thrived on. It never made me popular, but I was not terribly concerned with that anyway.

As I have been thinking back on those years in the last few weeks through the lens of these lyrics, I am astounded to realize what a profound affect they had on my emotional and spiritual development. Even in this last week I have been encouraged to wake up with lyrics of truth fresh on my mind. Nevermind that their styles are beyond outdated, the message resounds and gives expression to my heart's cry. And I am finding that these songs were a critical ingredient in my formation through adolescence: protecting me, guiding me, molding me, focusing me. On the eternal, on the Word, on my King.

For instance, what pre-middle school girl does not need to internalize this truth:

"Well you can doubt your worth

And search for who you are and where you stand

But God made you in His image

When He formed you in His hand

And He looks at you with mercy

And He sees you through His love

You're His child and that will always be enough

For there's more to what you're worth

Than you could ever comprehend

Oh I say the measure of a man

Is not how tall you stand

How wealthy or intelligent you are

I found out the measure of a man

God knows and understands

For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart

And what's in the heart to find?

The measure of a man

You can spend your life pursuing physical perfection

There is so much more, more than ever meets the eye

For God looks through the surface

And He defines your worth by what is on the inside."

Or how is this for the prayer of a middle schooler:

"Let my eyes be fixed
On the hope that cannot fail
May my life be set
Where the Hammer meets the nail
Place my feet
Where the rubber meets the road
Shape my heart
To please Your eyes alone
That I may live my life
Where the chisel meets the stone

Chip away what tries to hide the truth
Until there is a remarkable

Resemblance of You"

"Face the Nation" was another clarifying tune for me. Wow. So many good ones.

And of course I have to mention a few specifics from Point of Grace:

"Shall we gather at the river of forgiveness

Come together at the waters of love

Flowing like a fountain from the mercy Giver

Shall we gather at the river?

We can wade into the middle where the healing waters flow

It only takes a little to heal a wounded soul

It will only bring us closer than we've ever been before

This is just what Jesus was praying for."

Or very memorable:

"What's He gonna say about me

When He weighs the works that
I have done
Against the words that I have
Failed to speak
What's He gonna say about me
When the chaff is sifted from the wheat
Will there be evidence that I believed

What's He gonna say about me"

Wow, I could go on and on. Phillips, Craig & Dean:

"You Don't Have the Right"

"Mercy Came Running"

"Crucified with Christ"

And a few years later, just as much gratitude for ZoeGirl and Plus One.

A word for any parents who may come across this post, please take it to heart that what your child is listening to right now may very well still shape their soul in 15 years. And that is a scary thought with all of the options they have in the secular world.

Thank you, Lord, for Truth and for hearts that respond to music. Thank you for Your servants who so faithfully make Truth catchy, not for their popularity, but so that Your bride may internalize Your love, refined by the repetition of songs that reveal who You are, led in deeper blamelessness to Your throne and to the wedding feast of the Lamb.

sweeping

The average 20-month-old has an attention span of approximately 3.5 minutes. What I wouldn't give to be able to entertain Liam with one activity for longer than that! Eating holds his interest a considerable while longer, but as soon as his tummy is full he moves on to satiating his hair and wearing his plate as a hat. When that is old, he drops everything on the floor with an "uh oh!" to hide his intentionality.

Today, however, I recognized one activity that grasped his attention unlike any I have ever seen.

We were only at the park for a few minutes because the wind was much cooler than I had anticipated, but we were there long enough for Liam to watch an older boy jump off of the high play set several times. Liam looked on with wonder and I nervously followed him up the stairs after reading the open book his little mind displays. I could tell he was thinking, pondering, admiring, contemplating his own attempt. I am grateful he opted for the slide instead (and the smaller one at that). But the wheels in my own head began to turn in fascination at his desire to emulate. He is a copycat. It just comes naturally.

When we got back home I pulled out a broom and dust pan to clean up from his previous time in the sand box. Of course he was instantly fascinated by the things I really needed to use, but he watched in wonder as I swept the sand into a pile and then into the pan. As soon as I finished my task I handed him the broom. He did not look to me or consider any other interest for more than 20 minutes. I was astonished. He was so happy to "sweep" that he literally did not care what I was doing for nearly half an hour.

In all of this I realize that we are wired for emulation. Just as we need no lessons in sin, we need no lessons in copying. No one has taught Liam to sin, and no one has taught him to mirror his observations. This comes naturally for him.

It comes naturally for me as well. I am always imitating someone else, whether consciously or subconsciously. I hope and pray that more and more my life parallels that of my Savior, the One whose image I desperately want to define my own.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." Ephesians 5:1

"Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith." Hebrews 13:7

"Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God." 3 John 11

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:1

"And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia." 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7