musings on marriage and the state of things

"I'm definitely learning a lot about what marriage is not..."

If you've caught up with me in person over the last few weeks, chances are you've heard me finish this sentence any number of ways. And really, I've written about it several times here too. It's been on my mind for a variety of reasons. I stand nose-to-nose with these realities every day. Being married to Stephen Kump still surprises me, especially on the days we don't "feel" married. And so many friends and girls I know have set their sights on marriage, unintentionally demanding that the prospect reach the crevices of their souls with contentment, that life will suddenly spark for real with that one word: Yes!

My heart is moved passionately by each of these things to express over and again how God's plan for marriage is not that it cater to the whims of the female heart--namely mine. But in that train of thought Jesus redirected my focus last night.

What is marriage about, Kate? What am I doing in and through your marriage today? Right now? Because of all this?

Gratitude and refreshment instantly rush in. 

So much for which to give thanks.

A glimpse of our marriage?

Well, we have just passed our second week without talking, but emails seem sweeter and sweeter. 

Five lines of "I love you" and "I miss you" reach much farther now than they did this time last month.

Lots of prayer. What else can you do if you cannot talk?

And what could be more meaningful, really?

Two people, loving each other as best we can. Only enabled by loving Jesus as best we can.

Eyes on the cross, our comfort. The tomb, its empty echo of great hope.

Knowing that as we each seek Christ, if we could not speak one word this year, our proximity to Jesus will make up for all that would be otherwise lost. 

I'm leading two small groups for girls this summer. Wasn't aiming for two, but that's what Jesus arranged. Wasn't aiming for anything at all until Stephen encouraged, exhorted, affirmed.

Excitement builds toward the fall. Days turn into weeks turn into months of progress toward homecoming.

We try to plan our celebrations.

Look forward to family weddings and family babies.

Georgia Tech football finds its way to our calendar...two months ago.

Daydream about where we'll live come November. Hopefully in Smyrna. Definitely not where we are now.

Stephen's ministry to my heart draws me out of legalism, into the freedom of loving Jesus because He set me free, not because together He and I can keep the rules. 

I'm learning not to judge people so harshly. 

Like couples publicly displaying their affection. Or holding hands while singing at church. 

You just never know where people are, where they've been. My natural bent is to think I do know. I do not.

I pinterest my way to wifeyness. Homemade cleaning solutions and crafts galore. Recipes to try and party ideas for his return.

This season will come to an end. But there are sweet things here. Jesus fills. 

Grateful He points Himself out to my ever wandering attention span.

halvesies

They say that silence is golden, and mine truly has been so far as blogging is concerned. 

For safety purposes I couldn't really share anything about when Stephen was coming home on R&R leave, and my preparations for his arrival were so extensive and consuming I had nothing else to report. However, he has, since my last post, come and gone, and we had a wonderful 10 days together last month.

Over the course of those 10 days we saw our families at a sweet Atlanta brunch, met the babies of our closest friends, watched movies, got coffee, sat on the banks of the Chattahoochee, spent some time in Blue Ridge, hiked, at Chick-fil-A for every other meal, and rested. It was a much needed time of refreshing and reflecting as we also celebrated our first anniversary on March 26th in the mountains. As hard as it was to say goodbye again, Stephen and I could not have asked for a sweeter, more life-giving time together. 

Anniversary Dinner in Blue Ridge

His visit also marked the approximate halfway point of his deployment. I can almost guarantee that his homecoming will not go as we currently expect, but we are, more or less, halfway through the year! Praise Jesus!

And as Jesus would have it, it seems that this chapter of deployment will be quite different from the first in several ways.

The first of two big ones: my friend Cat's husband returned on Sunday for good!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am for them! He left April 8, 2011 and returned April 8, 2012--one year to the day. I am so glad to know they are together again, and I look forward to getting to know Leigh in the next few months as well.

But I probably don't have to tell you that that will change my relationship with Cat quite a bit. I will miss our single-wifing craft nights and movie nights, but I am extremely eager for the new chapter of our friendship as well--the one where I get to see her with her other half! She has been such a source of encouragement, company, sympathy and fun over the last six months. Who knew this deployment would make me a new best friend at the park?? So grateful for her!

My first time dying Easter eggs the day before Leigh came home.

In the wake of this transition, of sending her back into daily married life, my housing situation has also turned to a new chapter.

In the same week I found out that Lauren Jones accepted a job offer in Charlotte while Lauren Baggett was applying for a summer internship in Atlanta. Gentle grace for me here. 

Saying "goodbye" again was one of the hardest things I have done in a long time, but the aftermath has been the same for each of us: deep gratitude and abiding joy. Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for our time together. Jesus answered so faithfully by drawing us to Himself in order to draw us closer to each other. It could not have been more wonderful.

Surprisingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I look into the next 6 months. I just pray they'll make Jesus famous.

a day in the life...or maybe a week

I feel I am overdue for some day-to-day updates on how things are for us here and there, but I hope to soon write with more structure so as to truly record all that Jesus is doing.

Stephen is well. Unfortunately, for security reasons, I cannot post details about where he is and what he is doing, but if you would like to be added to his email update list please let me know. What I can relay is that he has recently changed jobs, locations and schedules, and we would so appreciate your prayers for all of the transition. He is amazing--so proud of him. And so excited to see what all Jesus will do in these new opportunities as we trust His ways are truly higher than ours.

Time seems to be passing rather quickly right now as the countdown to his leave closes in. I decided this week that I could probably handle having my kitchen countdown ordered chronologically now. Rather than searching for the next week to come down each Sunday, I decided to hang them properly. We are almost halfway there! Praise Jesus!

Juliet continues to fill 45 hours of my week. We have fun at music classes and have recently begun "Mommy & me" gymnastics (I definitely get my work-out in during that hour. We go to at least one library story time each week, we are VIPs at all the nearby playgrounds, and she fills me up daily with tea parties, "tuptapes," and "stittuhs." (That's "cupcakes" and "stickers" for those who do not speak Toddlerese." She's a little bundle of joy and has fully, though unknowingly, risen to the challenge of receiving most of my hugs and all of my kisses while Stephen is gone. Goodness, I love this little girl!

Speaking of the park, I believe I have mentioned before that Juliet and I met another nanny named Cat on one of our outings back in the fall. Cat's husband is almost finished with his year-long contract job in Afghanistan and will be home in no time at all, but she has been one of Jesus' biggest gifts to me in this deployment. We laugh about it almost every time we see each other, that we met at the park, pushing "our" babies in the swings, and have quickly become such good, if not best, friends. Cat lives less than 15 minutes away, which is amazing because we are almost always free to hang out together! Some of our adventures so far include Christmas dinner at the Kumps' followed by Fantasy in Lights, outings with the FRG, cleaning out my closet at my parents' house, and spending 12+ hours crafting spring wreaths for our front doors. Juliet loves loves loves Cat's "Baby Andreas," so we make every attempt to see each other during the day in addition to hanging out 2-4 times a week. What a gift! I love her!

The other wives of the FRG (Family Readiness Group) from Stephen's unit are amazing women, and I am so thankful for their company through this year. We go to dinner, make care packages, eat good food, try new things, go see chick flicks, and share each others' struggles. I always look forward to time with these women, the wives and mothers of the soldiers we sent overseas.

Another huge source of encouragement and accountability has been a new friend named Katie. If you know me at all, you're probably wondering how I've managed to find yet another life-long friend who shares my name, but it's true. Katie Lynn Sims is in our small group along with her husband, Brian, a commercial pilot. She and I share the single-wifing lifestyle approximately 50% of the time when he is on trips, but she checks in with me every night no matter what to makes sure that I made it home and am locked inside. I even gave her my dad's name and number in case she is ever deeply concerned about my whereabouts. Katie, along with Liz, Carrie, Kathryn and Brittany, have been amazing prayer warriors over our lives and marriage. So grateful for new community to share this stage of life with.

One of the childhood songs that has yet to escape me says, "Make new friends, but keep the old.." So with that I am happy to announce the engagement of one of my very best bestie's engagement and upcoming wedding! On Saturday, June 23, Marisa Acree will marry Curtis Shields, and I am delighted to have the privilege of helping them celebrate! I cannot wait to see what Jesus has in store for these two! (And I am selfishly looking forward to distracting myself with all things wedding when Stephen leaves again after R&R--thanks, Ris!)

I have also joined the YMCA (for free, courtesy of the US Military--thank you, fellow tax payers) and am LOVING Zumba classes. I was made to dance! And this week my dear friend Rene also joined, which made it even more fun! 

We received word a few weeks ago that we will be able to continue renting in our current arrangement until the end of October. There had been a lot of drama in that department, but we are so grateful for the compassion that the HOA here has shown us. We owe many of you a heartfelt thank you for your prayers over what could have been a very stressful situation. Jesus has provided once again!

And finally, I am so enjoying having my brother nearby at Kennesaw State University. He began his freshman year in the fall, and I know it was God's provision for me that he would bring Nate so close as Stephen left to go so far. Nate has been an all-star brother all his life, but especially this year. We go on dates, watch movies, he brings friends to eat my food and play my xbox, and he even went swing dancing with me at Georgia Tech one week. He is one of the best sports I know, and he's really pretty good at swing dancing too! Thank you, bud, for loving me well.

As always, thank you for praying. Jesus is loving and full of grace.

"the DNA of joy is thankfulness"

Happy Thanksgiving from the Kumps!

Stephen and I both enjoyed the day as much as possible given the circumstances.

My parents, Nate and I went to two Thanksgiving meals:

Lunch with my mom's extended family:

And dinner with the Kumps:

Stephen got to drive (or at least sit on) a local "car" in between his two Thanksgiving meals and a trip to the mall:

We have so much to be grateful for, not only this year for Thanksgiving, but every single day. Topping the charts right now:

--That we are separated for our first year of holidays in marriage. I am grateful to not know what we're missing out on by not being together.

--That our families love each other so much. It is so sweet to have one big family, especially this year. I am sure logistics will get more and more complicated as the years go by, but what a blessing it was to have both our families together for the holiday! It is such an undeserved, unearned, gracious gift of God that our families love us and each other so well. Thank you, Mommy and Daddy, Mom and Dad, for taking such good care of us!

The Lord gave me this prayer a few years ago along with a little melody to keep it lodged in my heart. It was perfect for yesterday, a day of celebration that was mixed with sadness.

Let Your love be enough for me

Show my heart You're my only need

Let Your truth abolish every lie

Let Your love saturate my life

"Contentment celebrates grace. The contented heart is satisfied with the Giver and is therefore freed from craving the next gift." --Paul Tripp

priorities

With only one more month of Autumn left, it seems that time is dragging on quickly. 

On the one hand the first month and a half has not seemed too bad overall. The weeks go quickly so that Sunday is already hours away. Another week comes off the countdown as we look into another week to come.

On the other hand, especially as Stephen has yet to reach his final destination, the thought of doing these seven weeks seven (ish) more times is staggering. But we only have to handle one day at a time, right?

So the question has become, how do I fill those days?

Everyone has lovingly advised me to stay busy while Stephen is gone. Mission accomplished. I have been busy. Very busy. And if you know me well, you know that busy is not my finest suit. I am a home-body, laid-back, down-time-dependent human being (I mean, the apple doesn't fall far...). As an introvert and the daughter of Sally Lawrence, I have neither the mental, emotional or physical stamina required for constant doing. My mind and body literally revolt when I push too hard.

Unfortunately, that is what I have been doing for much of the last seven weeks. For five of them I was battling a sore throat and smoker's cough. Cleaning out the air filter in our condo this past week has helped enormously, but lack of sleep and meals out or on the go have crippled my body's ability to heal.

The issue certainly has not been frivolous activity. I have spent time with so many people I care about, learning about and spreading awareness about issues in our city, loving on my favorite 18-month-old, celebrating a wedding and several new babies, walking with friends and taking college girls to fro you, making new friends and welcoming them into circles of old friends (which may have necessitated my participation in a Twilight marathon), movie nights with Nate and cooking dinner for his roommates, dinner and chick flicks with Lauren and Maggie, writing on various projects and jobs, and occasionally doing laundry or cleaning the floors. Whew. It has been crazy.

And as I have regularly emailed Stephen updates on all that's going on, he sees better than anyone just how hectic my schedule has become. I am grateful for technology that keeps us up to speed on each other's lives, and I am even more grateful for his leadership in helping me see that my current patterns are not sustainable for a productive, healthful year (or life post-deployment for that matter). More than that, he has been quick to point out that this is not who God made me to be. I have some amazing friends who do everything under the sun and do it well. I love seeing the Lord work through them! But at times my appreciation for their ability to do this morphs into a copy-cat complex of some sort and I find myself running the rat-race of comparison. Stephen knows me. He knows me really well, and he has for a long time. If not for that, he would not be able to lead me out of this identity crisis and into real life. I could not be married to anyone else.

You see, while most people at least know that I nanny, many don't realize that it is, in fact, a full-time job. I work 45 hours a week in a salaried child-care position under a contract that allows for sick days and vacation days and prohibits me from smoking in the house or around the child. Granted, circumstances frequently allow me to leave a little early, but for planning purposes, 45 hours of my week are filled every week, no matter what. And honestly, I have to remind myself of these facts frequently; when you enjoy your job as much as I do, it's easy to think it doesn't take up as much of your time as it does. So it isn't a bad thing, but taking care of Juliet is my work and it is the main thing I do in this stage of my life.

In light of this revelation, that her care and development are a focal point of my ministry and not just an opportunity I have because she is my job, I am free to slow down in my "extracurricular" endeavors. For as long as I am called to care for Juliet, I will need to limit myself after work so that I can be my best for her. A tired, sick, run-down "Daydee" is not what either of us needs. 

Realizing that I can only do a few more things well outside of work, I have been praying that the Lord would bring to the forefront His priorities for my time. Much to my surprise, though it does not seem to surprise anyone else, writing is the one thing He keeps bringing up. No particular people to invest in or causes to take up; no new hobbies or personal goals to pursue. Writing. This is it. Other than pursuing a handful of close friends, Juliet and writing are my priorities for the year.

And I am so excited!!

What does this mean? Within the next week I will finish up my first writing "assignment" and pour myself wholeheartedly into writing the last 94 wedding gift thank yous. I have also almost completed a compilation of poetry from the last decade. To publish? Not to publish? Eh, we'll see! And then, Lord willing, I will turn my attention to writing a book for girls younger than me--things I wish I had known before now.

So here I am, at the end of a day that was over-planned, at the end of a week that was over-planned, sitting in my pajamas on the couch doing what I was made to do. I'm grateful for the freedom to do this. 

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind." Ecclesiastes 4:6

...mmmmmmm...

flood warning

This may be bad.

This may be really, really bad.

But I've warned you now, and that's all I can do.

Today, this sucks. It really does.

I don't even like that term, but I can't work my way around it. "This stinks" just isn't cutting it today. Sorry.

I'm alone. And I'm crying. And I can't stop. 

I cry at the hard things. I cry at the sweet things. I cry because I hate it. And I cry because I would not change it. I cry because I miss Stephen. I cry because he is so worth missing. I cry because I am grateful that I miss him as much as I do. I cry because he feels the same way. I cry because the Lord is near. I cry because He keeps reminding me that I don't have to be good at this. I cry because He alone knows just how bad I am at it. I cry because I know it will get better with time. I cry because the thought of the time it will take is overwhelming. I cry because I feel like I should feel like I'm single again. I cry because that's about the last way I feel. I cry because I wish I knew how to handle social settings or meeting new people well. I cry because I almost dread it some days. 

The trigger.

I guess the trigger was a text from Stephen today saying he had arrived at his overseas destination. Up until now he was training in the same time zone. If you have spent any time with me in the evenings over the last two months, you know that writing is not my typical 9pm activity. I would have been parting ways with you soon to talk to Stephen. But now he has (jet-lag permitting) been sleeping for several hours, and his will not be the last voice I hear tonight. Not live anyway. 

And then I think about the last person I will have talked to today: the cashier at Kroger. And I cry some more.

Some days solitude is a double-edged sword. Today is one of those. I hate being alone and yet cannot imagine interacting with anyone else right now. I feel like I putter around the house, doing a little bit of everything, but not completing anything. Not that I don't have plenty to do. 

If you have yet to receive a wedding gift thank you, rest assured, they are in the works. I have another writing job that I am excited to take on between now and Thanksgiving. I have been compiling all my poetry from the last decade. 

I have enjoyed time with friends this month. My old small group got away to the lake one weekend. 

We threw a baby shower for Darrah yesterday. 

And Juliet keeps me great company. 

Hanging out with my new friend, Cat, who nannies and whose husband is also away for a year, has been a huge highlight in these few weeks. 

It's not boredom. I think I stay busy enough. It's just hard.

As I was thinking through an upcoming church social earlier this evening, I came to realize why I feel so out of place all of a sudden, especially at church. It has nothing to do with other people, though perhaps their love for both of us brings the emotions to the surface. It has more to do with the fact that Stephen is indeed my other half. And as cheesy as it sounds (I really tried not to say it, but it's true!), we are one person in two places. One heart, one flesh, one family. Two continents that might as well be two worlds. 

And it's seeing the people who know us well that really undoes me. Because I know they look at me and see Stephen too. They can't look at me and not think about the reason he's not beside me or how long it will be until he is again. And whether they say something or not, I feel exposed and vulnerable and overwhelmed in all the ways I should, I suppose. And I am grateful the Lord has given me a heart that cannot hide, although I'll apologize again for all the times each of you will get a bucket full of tears because of it.

And it's funny how real it finally seems that we are one. Sad that it often does not feel as true in togetherness as it does in separation. But we both are praying that the things we learn this year will change how we view and value each other, our future family, and every other priority in our lives. It's almost a glimpse of the "if only"s we might have if one of us were to pass, so I'll be grateful that our opportunities to love each other well are, Lord willing, still a lifetime full.

Whew. So, the tears have stopped. I think that's all for tonight. Maybe my poor sinuses will have a chance to clear up before lights out.

One thing I heard in a short John Piper montage on YouTube last week has stuck with me. I won't get the quote exactly right, but as he is talking about the certainty of suffering in the Christian life he makes the distinction between what is miserable and what is painful. And though at times I am tempted to file this experience under Misery, I know that would not be true. It's painful. Ugh, it's frustratingly painful some days. And I feel like it would not be so bad if I just loved Jesus a little more, and that way of thinking serves only to perpetuate frustration.

But the pain is not misery because of the cross of Christ. Suffering is the primary way God's glory of salvation is revealed in the world--Jesus on the cross and my hope in suffering now. This is not futile misery; it is glory-rending pain.

And I pray the Lord gets enormous glory from it. No matter how much it hurts. No matter how many days ahead will feel like this one. No matter how many showers, meals, car rides, communions, or blog posts I have yet to cry through.

When all my tears have fallen

And my strength lies in their wet

When my heart is naught but frailty

Jesus, let me not forget!

Not only did Your tears fall

But Your sweat became as blood

As You gazed on separation

Cost of mercy's welling flood

But as Your tears led to glory

Please allow mine so to do

For every teardrop let one-thousand

"Hallelujah"s rise to You

And so it will all be worth it

Every mite of this sweet pain

If Your glory shines the brighter

Beauty bursting through the rain

in great company

The end of Week 52 is inching closer. I have decided to countdown from 52 to 1 so I'll always know how much time is left. Grateful it will get smaller and smaller as the weeks go on!

To celebrate the passing of the weeks and Lauren's official settledness into life at the condo, we had a girls' night on Monday night, complete with cookies, candy, crafts and chick flicks. A very big THANK YOU to Julie Koon, Emily Schultz, Kimberly Johnson, Rene Schultz and Maggie Younker for helping to make a countdown calendar for the dining room window. We spent several hours crafting little cards to display, one to be removed for each week that Stephen is gone. Each unique card has a scripture reference on it, and I look forward to how the Lord has provided Truth for each of the weeks to come. The evening was a huge success and one more evidence of the fact that I have been given the greatest friends in the world. Thank you all so much!

Yesterday Juliet and I scooted down to Smyrna for a play date with Connor (3) and Lucy (13 months). Their dad is also deployed and their mom, Amanda, has been an incredible encouragement to me over the two short months that I have known her. We had a blast playing with their toys, walking in their neighborhood, rolling down the couch cushions and playing piano! It is so neat to watch great parents love and instruct their children, and I certainly had a front-row seat yesterday. I look forward to loving on and learning from this precious family in the months ahead! Praising the Lord for godly community to live this stage of life with.

And today I am praising Him for another new friend. I met Cat, a German nanny in the area, at the park last week, and Juliet and her charge enjoyed swinging together again today. As we talked about one day wanting children of our own, I told her the itch is not quite full-grown in me because Stephen is gone. Of course she said, "Then we are in the same boat!" Her husband deployed in April and will be gone until April 2012. She is new to Atlanta and lives about ten minutes from us. Her husband came home on R&R in September for their big wedding, and her mom is still in town from Germany for that reason. However, she said now that the wedding planning is over and when her mom leaves, she is nervous that she will have nothing to do as she does not have any friends here. We exchanged numbers and plan to be in touch after her mom goes back to Germany next week. I am so excited to spend time with Cat and hopefully introduce her to some of my friends. Please pray with me that this will become a meaningful relationship and one the Lord uses to draw each of us to Himself!

And, for the first time, having an almost-German last name was another good conversation starter. Who knew that "kumpf" means "fight," as in Hitler's MEIN KAMPF? Fantastic! I have never been more glad that someone, somewhere along the way, dropped that "f"!

The Lord has given me so many opportunities to share this experience with people who love Him and love me, and I could not be more grateful for that. Thank you all for reading this far and for keeping up with me. Please know that I look forward to the Lord's glory and use of this deployment to strengthen my heart and those of the people around me. As such, I know there will be days when some of you will ask how Stephen or I am doing and I will burst into tears and drench you with honesty. I apologize in advance if that will make you uncomfortable, but please know I would prefer that to shallow conversation any day of the week. I think that will be more of a rare occurrence than the norm, but I would rather be real and let the real strength of Christ be displayed than pretend I am fine. So unless you would just rather avoid the small threat of water works, I welcome deep questions and meaningful conversation. Glory to God!

And oh yeah! Stephen is doing well! He and the guys are thoroughly enjoying the goodies his mom packed on Sunday. The only disappointing news is that he is sleeping in barracks with about 20 other guys. Fortunately he has ear plugs, but he says sleep would be impossible without them for the absurd volume created by almost two dozen men snoring in unison. Please continue to pray for his relationships and for the Lord's direction as he moves toward his mission. 

the big day

Today was the big day, and I feel there is at once so much to say and yet no words for all that I am thinking and feeling. The Lord blessed it on so many levels on the homefront, and I can only pray He does the same for Stephen as he is away. After the send-off ceremony and the departure of the buses, my family and Stephen's parents took me to brunch at the Cheesecake Factory where Marisa Acree and Katie Phillips joined by surprise. I had the privilege of spending the remainder of the day with them and Kimberly Johnson in a very successful attempt to postpone my own solo homecoming. 

Just a few of the random things going on in my mind:

Grateful that the day I have dreaded for nearly six months is over.

Grateful to start the countdown to next October.

Grateful for all your prayers and encouragement.

Praying for Stephen who has truly been led out into solitude with the Lord.

And while I wish I had more meaningful words or insights of my own, the Lord's grace overwhelms me at every turn. I had previously purposed to read through the "Streams in the Desert" devotional over the year that Stephen is away and was reminded of it by a conversation with our moms this morning. Unfortunately I cannot take any credit for the poem that accompanied today's short reading, but I'll be darned if God does not somehow bless these sorts of books so that October 2nd was exactly what I needed it to be. I think He must shuffle them around among the pages so that the right one pops up whenever I open it. So of course as I climbed into bed alone tonight, He met me here:

Come with me by yourselves and rest awhile,

I know you're weary of the stress and throng, 

Wipe from your brow the sweat and dust of toil,

And in My quiet strength again be strong.

Come now aside from all the world holds dear,

For fellowship the world has never known,

Alone with Me, and with My Father here,

With Me and with My Father, not alone. 

Come, tell Me all that you have said and done,

Your victories and failures, hopes and fears.

I know how hardened hearts are wooed and won; 

My choicest wreaths are always wet with tears.

Come now and rest; the journey is too great,

And you will faint beside the way and sink;

The bread of life is here for you to eat,

And here for you the wine of love to drink.

Then from fellowship with your Lord return,

And work till daylight softens into even:

Those brief hours are not lost in which you learn

More of your Master and His rest in Heaven.

Happy Half-iversary!

Today marks the halfway mark on our first year of marriage, and because I am looking for anything and everything to celebrate these days, I thought I'd post a few pictures for kicks and giggles. Many of you have been tracking with us for as long as these pictures have been around (some much longer), but in case you missed it, here we are:

Our first picture together, and possibly our longest conversations up to that point: Theta Xi Broomball, December  2005

One year later at AXO's Crush Party.

Our first kiss six months ago.

Our first Tech game as The Kumps this past Saturday.

Praising the Lord for 6 months of sweet time together and grace in the growing!

The Martins: DIY Laundry Detergent

A few weeks ago I made my first ever batch of Do-It-Yourself Laundry Detergent. I have really enjoyed it and want to pass it along, but I took it from my friend Megan Martin's blog so you should check it out there. She did such a great job with taking pictures and figuring up the savings that I didn't feel the need to re-do all her great work. :)

The Martins: DIY Laundry Detergent: It's official.. I have finally jumped on the bandwagon for making my own laundry detergent. I was so skeptical at first, but after doing it...

babies and bugs

The week has certainly had highs and lows for us, like any other, I suppose.

On Tuesday night I had the joy of celebrating with our dear friends and former roommates, Jon and Julie Koon, as they welcomed their firstborn son, Elliot Thomas Koon. He was born 9lbs 11oz, 20.75 inches long at 12:13am. Marisa, Rene and I were able to visit much later in the day, and we are so excited to love on this little guy for the rest of his life! (picture coming soon!)

Early Wednesday morning I woke up with a stomach bug that kept me from work and everything else through Saturday. My sweet mom came up Wednesday afternoon and spent the night to take care of me. So grateful for her! It was the first time I had really considered that Stephen will probably miss a few more bouts of sickness. Not having him at home was harder than I would have imagined beforehand, but we are both so thankful for nearby family and friends who are so quick to take care of me. Even before my mom came Lauren went to the store for crackers and Gatorade. I could not ask for a sweeter roommate. Please join me in praying that I have not spread the plague to either of them!

Last Sunday was the first day that the reality of separation set in. Stephen and I found ourselves spending the afternoon resting together after church even before we were engaged. Kimberly Johnson accompanied me to church to take the edge off of that aspect of loneliness, but it was the stillness of the afternoon that really caught me by surprise. I would so appreciate your prayers that the Lord's presence be especially tangible in those moments, both for me and for Stephen.

And speaking of Stephen, he is hanging in through these weeks of training. Unfortunately we cannot so broadly publish the details of his schedule and location, but we expect he'll be home for several days in about a week! Please continue to pray that the Lord will provide a believing or interested companion for this deployment. The military environment is typically a spiritually dry one, but we pray for some sort of saturation however the Lord sees fit. In the meantime, feel free to drop Stephen a line at any time at kump.stephen@gmail.com. 

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the FRG (Family Readiness Group) for our Troop. I am so grateful for the women the Lord has provided through this organization. They are the Army wives, girlfriends and mothers who know so much more than I do about the system, whether they have experienced deployment before or not. Please pray for opportunities to love and serve them well tomorrow and in the difficult weeks to come. 

today's feast

Stephen left early this morning for the last stint of his state-ordered training. He will have one more week at home at the end of September (we think/hope), but thus begins the "single wife" season as Lauren moves in today and I start to figure out a new rhythm for life. 

We spent a wonderful long weekend at the beach with his parents, sisters, brother-in-law, nephews and Granny. I cannot think of a better way we could have used those last few days together. We had a blast with family and 16 sweet hours together road-tripping.

Grief did not truly set in until we turned out the light last night. There are certainly times when I dread doing things by myself, like going to church, taking care of my car, things with other couples. But the over-arching sentiment is always simple sadness over missing Stephen. Incredible how quickly and thoroughly he has become my best friend and my better half. These tears wet my pillow as we fell asleep together one more time last night.

Today, however, I am praising the Lord for mercies that come new every morning!

"Give us this day our daily bread..."

Joy. Purpose. Peace.

Today I am feasting on Christ, overwhelmed by His provision over my heart and soul. I am overflowing with gratitude for the precious people who have texted, called, emailed and prayed. I am looking forward to eating frozen yogurt for dinner, helping Lauren move in, spending time with the friends I've missed so much, and finding a new routine for a new season.

I almost feel guilty. The temptation is there. I feel like I should be crying my eyes out, hypersensitive, wanting to remind everyone how hard this is. But today just is not hard. Miraculously, graciously, affectionately not a challenge.

So I'll take it!

And when the temptation creeps back in to borrow tomorrow's difficulty, or Christmas's or July's, I am reminded of the Israelites gathering manna in the wilderness. In response to their cries of starvation in the desert, the Lord gives them bread from heaven each morning to satisfy their needs throughout the day. The bread, called "manna," was to be used as the Lord instructed:

"'Gather of it, each one of you, as much as he can eat...' And the people of Israel did so. They gathered, some more, some less...whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack. Each of them gathered as much as he could eat. And Moses said to them, 'Let no one leave any of it over till the morning.' But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it till the morning, and it bred worms and stank...Morning by morning they gathered it, each as much as he could eat..." Exodus 16

Today I have a hunger, and the Lord has satiated it completely. To worry about tomorrow or the coming year as a whole would be to hoard a year's worth of worries to fit under one day's worth of grace. Today's grace is sufficient for today. And as hard and strenuous as some of the approaching days will be, they will not come alone; they will come with a full portion of all-sustaining grace.

Stephen's mom, Loette, was also sweetly encouraging this weekend. She has also faced the challenges of deployment in different phases of life, and I am overwhelmingly grateful to be so close to someone who has shared this burden. She said it can be tempting to view this deployment as something to "get over" before we can move on with the rest of our lives, especially given that we have not quite been married six months yet. But what she said next, and what I must continually be reminded of, is that deployment is now and it is life. This is the purpose for which we were married, this is the calling we have been given, this is where our vows and our prayers of commitment to God and to each other meet reality. 

And that excites me! We are one flesh no matter where our bodies are located, and we have been uniquely called to this time and place and mission to know God more and to make Him known. Praise the Lord for giving us hard things to do!

Now, that does not mean that I will relish every moment Stephen is away, or that I don't sometimes hope the next 13 months pass quickly. We did get married for a reason, in hopes that we would actually spend our lives together, and to deny that desire would be an indicator of hearts set askew. But there is overwhelming hope and joy in the presence of Christ and the good news of His gospel, that this life and this marriage are not about us or our happiness, and can therefore be beneficiaries of the hardship we expect in the year we have just begun.

Song of the week: "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go" by Indelible Grace

O Joy that seekest me through pain

I cannot close my heart to Thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promise is not vain

That morn' shall tearless be.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

2 Corinthians 12:9

livin' it up!

We've been making the absolute most of the time we have this last month!

...we have been to/in weddings...

...we sailed to Mexico...

...on the Carnival Triumph...

(and i left my contacts at home so i bought this super cute hat)

...we saw some Mayan ruins...

...and we climbed up on them...

...we sunbaked and snorkeled in Cozumel...

...and fell in love with our towel creatures...

...we also celebrated my 24th birthday at PF Chang with my family...

...and went to another wedding...

...next up: a weekend at the beach with Stephen's family!

Thanks for keeping up with us! Please continue to pray as we count down to goodbye next Tuesday morning.