What would happen if Bobby Dodd Stadium made only 10 soft pretzels and 4 hotdogs to feed all the fans who came out for the Georgia v. Georgia Tech football game? Someone would lose their job. People would be outraged. It might cause a scene.
Jesus' disciples were simply trying to avoid such a scene one evening as Jesus finished teaching. They surveyed the crowd, saw 5,000 men, up to 15,000 women and children, and logically suggested that Jesus send them home before they were too tired and famished to travel. Not a bad idea, right?
Apparently Jesus had a better one. "You feed them," He told His friends. To which they responded, "We have no more than five loaves and two fish--unless we are to go and buy food for all these people." Can you hear the sarcasm? I can, because that is exactly what my response would have been. It would have required at least one year's salary to afford food for so many people.
So as the disciples questioned how they could feed so many people on so little food, Jesus gave them directions that did not seem to clear the haziness at all. He told them to have the crowd sit down in groups of 50. They did so.
It is easy from our side of the story to skip over the entire thought processes they must have been having or realize how absurd the entire situation must have seemed. We know how it ends, but they were clueless. Still, they trusted Jesus. I can imagine that if it had been me, even if I had physically done as He asked, I probably would have rolled my eyes, chuckled with some of the other disciples and inwardly questioned the decisions, authority and ability of Jesus even as my hands seemed to be confident in what He was doing. It really just did not make one lick of sense to them.
But they obeyed. Jesus blessed the food. Everyone ate. And 12 baskets of leftovers were gathered.
My first prayer was, "I want to always obey, even when I don't understand." I pray that I never doubt the Lord's ability and desire to provide for me.
But my second prayer was for my perception of His heart. He wants to give us more than the bare minimum for existence. He is not scraping together just enough for me to survive on. His heart's desire is for me to flourish. That may not always mean He will give me physical comforts, and I may not even always have an abundance of food in the pantry. But He delights in giving me good things. Because the disciples trusted and obeyed, He was able to give them more than they would have had if they had not shared the little they began with.
We also see in this that His aim in asking them to do what seemed impossible ("you feed them") was not to test them or to watch them struggle and strive. He was making a point. On their own, they might as well give up. But with Him, all things are possible. He wanted them to experience the desperation of the human race and the all-sufficiency of God incarnate. He wanted them to reach the end of themselves, not so that they would cower under their lack, and not so that they would hopelessly recognize their submission to their Creator. He wanted them to see a real and vivid dilemma and instantly know the provision of God. He wanted them to find joy in the loving abundance that comes from the Bread of Life. He built their faith in a difficult but small situation so that they might remember His heart when life became harder. And it did. But they knew who Jesus was because they had been challenged and found Him to be the strong and perfect antonym of all their human efforts.
Hopeless circumstance I see
Helplessly I run to Thee
Not my strength but Thine alone
Your holy, tender heart made known
Grows my confidence anew
That all things good are worked in You
Wholehearted faith be ever mine
Through every fire until refined
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