Estimating, praying, counting, re-counting, equating, comparing, fractionalizing, remembering.
I do it every day this year.
How many months to homecoming?
How many weeks?
When will we hit 100 days?
Only half of what has already passed to go!
This time last year we were...
What if this time next year we...
It's less than my birthday to Christmas!
It's less than Armor School was!
And on and on and on it goes...how many ways to measure the remainder of this separation?
Until I grimace in conviction at these words:
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom..."
Words followed by:
"Satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."
Thank you, Psalm 90.
In a season when all I want to do is number my days, am I doing it for the right reasons? And shouldn't I number them all year long? All life long?
And doesn't this seem to imply that my numbering system is all inverted? Incorrect? Perhaps grossly so?
I ask: how many days do I need to pass to get to the end of deployment?
But if I honestly wanted Jesus to fulfill me like these portions of His Word promise, wouldn't I be asking how to get the most rejoicing and gladness out of His steadfast love today? Wouldn't I be treasuring, coddling, hugging so tightly every single day I found Him in?
The Hebrew word meaning "us to number" is manah. It means to count, reckon, number, assign, tell, appoint, prepare, ordain.
Moses is asking to be taught this skill, something he knew we needed to do, something God has allowed us the ability to do.
Teach us to appoint our days for wisdom--let us be satisfied in You.
Teach us to prepare our days to prepare our hearts--let us rejoice and be glad.
Teach us to ordain, set them apart--for daily renewal of Life.
This word manah, though Hebrew, looks strikingly similar to the English word manna, the name made up for sustenance that God provided to Moses and His people from the sky. This "bread from heaven," man in Hebrew, fed the Israelites for 40 years in the wilderness as they wandered to the promised land, paying out a penance for choosing not to be satisfied with the love of God.
Man means "What is it?"
It also means portion, gift.
Man. Manah.
Portion, gift. Number, assign.
Am I to assign these days as gifts? To reckon them as Your portions? To feast wholeheartedly in this daily bread provision? Knowing there is no guarantee of future days for numbering. Knowing You have promised to give abundance for feasting today. Knowing I cannot carry over to tomorrow what was given for today--knowing anything left un-enjoyed is wasted.
Teach us to count these days as gifts. To assign them identity as Your portions.
Oh teach me! This lesson is so far from completion in me...
1 comment:
Deeply, deeply good stuff here. Yes, yes, and yes. But it is SOOO HARD in the midst of that countdown. I found that I loved the days when I was just living and not counting.
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