Phrases such as: "I surrender all..." or "I committed my life to Christ..."
Having been convicted of a lack of surrender today, I decided to see what the Word has to say about such. The context of each entry for "surrender", of which there were only nine, was one of war, of enemies and of captives.
"Well, we must have just adapted a similar word," I conjectured. I made my way to Thesaurus.com to examine the possibilities. Several of the choices seemed promising:
Submit. I knew that word was in the Bible. Back to BibleGateway.com: 13 entries. The contexts? The Law, righteousness, each other, wives. Not what I had in mind.
Commit. There we go: 150 entries. The context? Committing sins. Or committing substitutes for payment of sins. For a brief stint in the Psalms we see "commit your way to the Lord," but otherwise, these do not at all capture the needed state of my heart today.
And I am realizing that the word I need is "trust."
I need to just stop. I need to rest. I need to take my hands off of my life and relax in the goodness of my Heavenly Father.
These other words, surrender, submit, commit, each give me actions and responsibilities. These are things I can try to do, but my hands are still on. Each certainly implies the necessity of letting go. No matter my intent, my sense of "ought to" or my efforts, I cannot both surrender a piece of cake and put it in my mouth. Part of me will always try to rise up from under any submission I initially embrace. And when I commit to an endeavor, I am bringing something of value that I could potentially retract at any time. My fingers are still sticky with any of these words. They are too close, too exposed, too likely to brush up against the abandoned subject and knee-jerk with a death grip.
My hands cannot let go. They cling. Period.
They cling to the best option my finitely small mind can perceive.
Until.
Until I wrap my mind around Someone larger.
Until I dig my fingers into Someone sweeter.
Until my eyes are opened to the wonderless Wonder.
Until I know His Name.
Until I take up my cross.
Until I embrace my Life.
Until my reality is wrapped up in eternity.
And this is trust.
The trustworthy One created me to cling. I cannot stop clinging. I always have, I always will. But when I see who He is, when I look into Jesus' face, when I know by true and intimate experience that my God is good, my hands immediately drop the idols of control that were slipping away, and I hold on to dear Life, to the God who was and is and is to come.
And I rest.
When my hands are freed from wringing and clutching, my strivings cease. When my hand is intertwined with His, I realize He has been holding me securely all along. He replaces my efforts. Trusting Him even eliminates the need for intentionally letting go. I see Him. I respond. I know Him. I trust. And I realize just how foolish I was in ever hesitating.
Surrender is not what I need. My focus can no longer be on the parts of my life that I need to release.
My focus must forever be to grasp more and more of Christ, my Lord. All I need is to see Jesus in His irresistible goodness. Because when I do, I can do nothing else but take Him up wholeheartedly so as not to even perceive the loss of what I left behind. False control. Self-importance. Faulty wisdom. Garbage.
"For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him..." Philippians 3:8-9
"And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10
When my strivings finally cease
At the glimpse of Savior's love
Bring my soul to helpless peace
Fix my gaze on Life above
Jesus sits enthroned on high
Worthy, resurrected Lamb
Hope of glory is alive
He holds existence in His hand
Now because His name I know
And mine is in His Book of Life
There is nothing I let go
Compared to all His glories rife
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