pain is love

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."

Hebrews 12:5-6

You learn a lot by spending 6 or more hours with preschoolers and toddlers every day. It is absolutely impossible to deny the reality of the sinful nature of humanity when you observe the tendencies of children. So many abilities must be learned at these early ages: walking, speaking, climbing, clapping, waving, blowing kisses, tying shoes, reading, writing and using good manners. I have countless precious opportunities to teach all my little boys how to perform these basics of life.

Do you know what they do well without instruction? Sin.

I did not teach them to throw their food off the table in impatient rage.

I did not teach them to hit.

I did not teach them to play with the water dispenser.

I did not teach them to yank on the plants.

I did not teach them to use unkind words.

I did not teach them to pout over wanting what others have.

Oh no, these lessons would have been much easier, but they were highly unnecessary.

Discipline is one of the themes of my life for this year, one of my goals. I even painted the word on my wall as a daily reminder of what I am living toward. Therefore, the Lord teaches me discipline in every avenue of learning I encounter. While my original intent was to focus on self-discipline/self-control, He has shown me my need for His discipline and the love at its core. Andy preached on Jonah's experience with the Lord's discipline in a series entitled "White Flag", the blogs I read have highlighted it, and I see it in my interactions with these boys almost daily.

Andy first got me thinking. He referred to the spankings he got from his dad during his series on Jonah, and he explained that the reasoning behind what is often a controversial tool is that children need to associate rebellion with pain. My parents spanked me and I am glad they did, but I had never heard such a practical, logical and concise explanation of the psychology behind the practice. It made sense, I could appreciate it, and the idea continued to simmer in the back of my mind.

Through observation and reflection I realized that rebellion that is not met with pain merely draws attention, and for so many children who hold attention as the end, misbehavior becomes the easiest means.

The next lesson came from a blog post entitled, "3 Reasons Why Discipline is Harder Than Punishment," by Michael K. The distinction he wants to make is that punishment is simply the consequence for a wrong choice or action, while discipline is the intentional instruction that shapes the heart of the child being disciplined. He says,

"Punishment is about behaving; disciplining is about becoming. When you choose the hard, long, thoughtful road of discipline, you are more concerned about the future – the long future. You are seeking not just to break bad habits, but to instill a need for the gospel now in your kids that will form not just their actions but their hearts in the years to come."

I pray that the Lord gives me words as I interact with Houston and Liam to show them how much I care about their hearts.

Each of these truths is reiterated by their reality that is on display in the lives of each of my little boys. When Liam wants to hold on to the wheel of his wagon as I pull him to the park, is it more loving for me to let him do so or to stop him before his fingers get scratched? When this happened yesterday I made a huge connection: Rebellion must be associated with pain because rebellion always leads to pain. No matter how slight the initial offense may seem, ultimately rebellion of any sort leads to eternal separation from God. Rebellion is part of our fallen world, and nothing good comes out of it.

Praise be to God who graciously redeems us from our rebellion and gives us every mercy and grace in relationship with Him! He takes our rebellion and uses it for His glory, even allowing rebellion for a time until He brings all people under His rule. But He simply could not be a loving God if He did not discipline us. If He, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, knew that greater pain, suffering and depravity awaited unchecked rebellion, did not discipline us or allow us to experience pain, He would not be good. He would not be loving. He would not be worthy of worship.

"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."

Proverbs 13:24

If God were more concerned with my happiness in the immediate than with my destruction in the future, He would be too human for holiness. He would not be other. He would be cruel. He would be heartless. He would be hateful and hated.

However, He disciplines those He loves. And we see through the Easter season that He did not hesitate to incur on Himself the pain and agony of His wrath in order to fulfill His eternal purposes for mankind. I pray He never withholds pain and discipline from me that would make me more like Jesus Christ, and I trust His Word that He will finish this work. At the core of God's discipline is His love and goodness. His goodness is His glory. That is what I want.